Childhood looks nothing like it used to. Children have less time, less focus and less of that natural enthusiasm for life. They’re tired, anxious and emotionally erratic.
So what’s going on?
It’s no surprise that today’s kids are moody and complicated, however we haven’t comprehended the crisis they’re in. If we knew, we would change our habits fast.
Screentime
My pet peeve. When people hear me begin a discussion on screentime, they roll their eyes as if to say “not this again”. Why? Because I’ve been harping on about the dangers of screen time since before I even had kids and here’s the reason.
I was sitting in a little, quaint café in London about 12 years ago discussing something with my mother. A lady from the next table couldn’t help but join our conversation. Mentioning that she was a teacher, she proceeded to explain the reasons that screen time is bad for children’s brains and if you know the specific reason, you’re more likely to curb your child’s device hours.
She explained that children’s programs are designed to switch scenes between every two to five seconds to keep their attention. Watching the flicking of scenes, paired with the bright colours on the screen for hours per day results in the children’s brains getting used to the fast pace of scenes flashing. Then, when presented with a teacher who is explaining a topic in class for 30 minutes, their brains can’t focus on that one person the extended period of time.
This illustrates that our children’s brains are being rewired with each extra hour spent on their screens. There are many more problematic issues caused by screen time, but given just this subtle point on its own, we should be taking the crisis more seriously.
Structure
When we were kids, we had extra murals most days after school for about 30 minutes and the rest of the afternoon we were left to play. These days, every minute is accounted for. With some kids having multiple extra murals in one day. When they’re not at an extra mural, they’re either doing homework or watching a device. This leaves no time for stillness.
Stillness, and yes – boredom, are essential parts of cognitive development i.e. when we sleep, our brains process the information that we learnt that day. Same concept for stillness, our brains are free to wonder, imagine and reflect.
Where are the next generation of fashion designers going to come from if kids are never left alone with scrap material and dolls? Where are the next generation of engineers going to come from if kids are never left in the garden with some twigs, leaves and mud? The list goes on.
When our kids get to Matric and say they have no idea what to do with their lives, we’re surprised – how can they not have any idea? I’ll tell you why, because they haven’t stopped for 12 years to lie in the grass and watch the clouds change shape, or ponder the patterns of the trees blowing in the wind, because they are so damn busy.
Noise
The world is a noisy place. Between parents complaining about the economy and politics and the relentless, real-time access to global news, kids are exposed to a lot more than they should be. Of course it’s necessary at an age-appropriate level for them to be aware of what’s going on around them to a degree, however I am horrified to hear what some adults talk about in front of their children.
Think about why we made up elements of magic like the tooth fairy, to create a sense of wonder and mystery in their lives. This last for a short moment in time before they learn about the harsh realities of the adult world. Let them hold on to the magic for a little while longer.
Don’t tell your husband in front of your children about the latest neighbourhood robbery or how the government is ruining the country. They have many years of adulthood to find out all that stuff, just preserve their precious, blissful, naivety for one more day.
The bar
No, not the drinks bar. The bar that has been set for academic achievement. Kids are placed under a tremendous amount of pressure to achieve high marks at school. In fact, I sometimes wonder who is this mystery ‘average’ kid? The one who is perfect at everything and sets the bar so high it’s impossible for the rest of them to measure up. No kid needs to be a star at everything.
Kids should be encouraged to find what they love and just get through the rest. Instead, we are led to believe that each parent must strive to groom their child for stardom. I totally disagree with this tactic. I believe that late bloomers end up much happier, healthier and wiser. I strive to encourage my children to always try their best and nothing more with no expectation of outcome.
Growing up fast
For some reason, we are constantly rushing our kids to grow up. My favourite example of this is the recent trend to shift Grade R from a Nursery school environment to a Primary School environment. We just want them to hurry up and grow up. To sit down and concentrate, to wear a uniform, to play more sport and learn more and be exposed to more.
There is very little patience left in the world, as preached in the old adage, “Slow and steady wins the race.” Now, for some reason most of us believe it’s “hurry up and matriculate.”
Mastery
Do you get your child dressed in the morning or make them breakfast just because it’s faster and simpler that way? I recently watched Nikki Bush on a talk show discussing the importance of mastery for children. As part of life skills development it is vital for children to have the ability to contribute around the house and in their lives in general.
It can be in the form of doing age-appropriate chores, cooking or baking, and generally cleaning up after themselves. This makes them feel useful and adds to their confidence and self-esteem.
Caveat
Just because I’m writing about this crisis does not for one second imply that I’m getting any of it right with my own kids. I’m in the same boat as everyone else, just trying to stumble through life and make as many good decisions as I can each day, but realistically knowing that if I get it right half of the time, that’s a win.
My aim by sharing the above is to collate some of the aspects that are leading to children feeling like they’re inside a pressure-cooker that’s about to explode.
I hope we can all slow down from time to time and smell the roses.
If you found this article interesting, you may enjoy my article about small business in South Africa.
Insightful as always!
Thoroughly enjoyed your blog. Will be reading more
Nice article. More relevant then ever.
I like that you mentioned being bored. It’s so healthy and develops creativity. It is one upside to Loadshedding and devices being offline.
Thanks Ja, yes agreed.
Captured well! I liked that each paragraph was also about 3-5 seconds long so I could concentrate through it 🤪 ( sorry! I had to!)